Rider and the Yugioh Gang
by Death's Final Rose
Summary: Alex is taken to the world of Yugioh...where he meets the whole cast. Welcome to the eccentricities of the author's imagination.
1. Anne Onymus' Invention

**Okay people. This story is totally by random…so whatever. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Alex Rider or Yu-Gi-Oh. Or I wouldn't be writing this. Someone else would be typing it up while I dictate.**

This is my policy:

You read my story.

If you like it, review.

If you love it, review.

If you hate it, review.

If you think it should be chopped into pieces, fed to piranhas, then the piranhas fed to a great white shark, then the great white shark chopped up and fed to fancy diners, then the fancy diners chopped up and fed to cannibals, who get chopped up and boiled in their own huge cauldron, then the story, piranha, shark, diner and cannibal soup fed to my worst enemy Cameron (In case you're wondering, no, Howard and Cameron aren't related.)

Flamers. If you want to flame me, do it. Give me a good flame. You wanna flame, actually do it. Don't be nice about it. I'm bored these days, so I might just decide to send my evil army of mushrooms with faces over the Internet to kidnap you, then get you to be chopped into pieces, fed to piranhas, then the piranhas fed to a great white shark, then the great white shark chopped up and fed to fancy diners, then the fancy diners chopped up and fed to cannibals, who get chopped up and boiled in their own huge cauldron, then the story, piranha, shark, diner and cannibal soup fed to my worst enemy Cameron Chan, then drop him into a vat of boiling oil and sheep dip, then chopped up and fed to the boys of my class (especially Mr Hungry) leave a review.

Location: M16

"We're sending you on another mission Alex. This time, the man Anthony Horowitz who was writing your biography…he was…" Alan Blunt checked his file, and frowned. "He was kidnapped by an evil army of mushrooms with faces. The went over the Internet, then got Horowitz. He was chopped into pieces, fed to piranhas, then the piranhas fed to a great white shark, then the great white shark chopped up and fed to fancy diners, then the fancy diners chopped up and fed to cannibals, who get chopped up and boiled in their own huge cauldron, then the Anthony Horowitz, piranha, shark, diner and cannibal soup fed to someone called Cameron Chan, who was dumped in a cauldron of boiling oil and boiling sheep dip- what the fu-" Mrs Jones smacked Blunt. "Not so loud! Alex is too young to hear that sort of language!"

"Um…you're right…that's not important. The thing is, your author is now someone called…Anne Onymus? Hey, that's not a real name! Mrs Jones, check that, and our sources." Mrs Jones tapped away at a Powerbook for about thirty seconds, then said, "Anne Onymus is actually someone who calls herself Via…"

"How d'you spell that? V-E-E-Y-A?"

"No, like how you spell via."

"Oh. I knew that." Blunt scribbled in his file for a moment, then looked up at Alex, who was blowing bubbles with his spit. "Um…Alex?"

A big bubble of spit exploded, wetting Alex's face and Blunt's new suit. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "This is an Armani suit! And it was a present from Artemis Fowl!"

"Big deal," Alex said. "Artemis Fowl doesn't even have any muscles." He started flexing his biceps, and struck an Arnold Schwarzenegger (N/A Yes, I spelt that correctly) pose.

"Aren't you supposed to be pretending to be James Bond?" Mrs Jones asked quizzically.

"Yeah, but now he's boring. Arnold Schwarzenegger rules! Well, I rule over him."

"Um. Yes." Blunt coughed. "Your mission is to observe the movements of some person called Anne Onymus…Mrs Jones, check that!"

"Actually, that's her real name," she said.

"Oh. Right. I knew that. Well, this 'Anne Onymus' (Blunt wiggled his fingers around in that sarcastic fashion) has bought the company of Yu-Gi-Oh. And we've detected odd activity, so you're going undercover as a Yu-Gi-Oh fan called Paris of Troy. You've got a partner, who's Helen of Sparta, and just for backup, there's your 'brother' Hector of Troy."

"Oh goody," Alex said, and blew another spit-bubble.

Location: Flight 747 to Tokyo, Japan.

"Whee!" Alex said happily, colouring in Cookie Monster in a toddler's colouring-in book. "Hey, Helen of Sparta, what colour is Big Bird again?"

"He's rainbow," the girl beside him groaned. Her real name was actually Tea. The crazy 'Paris of Troy' beside him was currently annoying her and his older 'brother', Hector of Troy. Hector's real name was Joey Wheeler, because he was the only one with blonde hair around.

Location: Asakusa Gardens, home of Anne Onymus

Anne herself was there to greet them. "Good day," she said, bowing in typical Japanese fashion. "My name is Anne Onymus-"

"Hi, we're three spies and we're supposed to be spying on you, and my name is supposed to be Paris of Troy, but it's really Alex, and this is my girlfriend Helen of Sparta, only her real name is Tea, and this is my big bro, Hector of Troy, but his real name is Joey Wheeler, only you aren't supposed to know that, so yeah!"

Anne raised an eyebrow. "Well, in that case…"

She whipped out a funny looking laser gun. "I get to try out my new invention."

"Really?" Alex grinned. "Can I be a test subject? You know, because I'm such a good spy and I'm even cooler than Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bond, James Bond 007?"

"Of course," Anne said smoothly, and shot him. There was a little _pop _noise, like when you fire off a puny popgun, and a stick shoots out of one end of the puny popgun, and has a flag on it that says BANG.

Alex disappeared. Then Anne stared at Helen and Hector. "Hey, you're from that show, um…what's it called again…?"

"Yu-Gi-Oh," Tea supplied. "Now, I want to go back."

"Oh. Right. Oh, I remember now! I took you two out of the show! But now…I can't seem to remember how to get you out…or how to get you in…"

"You just pull da trigger," Joey said impatiently with his odd accent that sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger's.

"What's a trigger?"

Joey sighed, took the funny gun and shot himself. Then Tea picked it up and shot herself.

Anne looked around, confused. "Was there anyone around here? I seem to remember talking to someone…or some people…oh well. I must be hallucinating. Wait a minute. What does hallucinating mean? Oh well…" There was some indistinct muttering.

Location: The world of Yu-Gi-Oh

Alex looked around him. Helen was here, and so was his big bro Hector. There was also some shortie that was about as tall as Holly the elf…now where did that come from? Alex frowned. Well, shortie had spiky red, yellow and black hair, and there was also some dude with a demented Mohawk.

"Who are you?" Shortie with the Spiky Red, Yellow and Black Hair asked, at the same time as Alex.

"I'm Alex, a spy," Alex answered at the same time as Shortie with the Spiky Red, Yellow and Black Hair said, "I'm Yami." Then there was a sort of shimmer, and the Shortie with the Spiky Red Yellow and Black Hair got even shorter and his hair a bit less demented…and was that less mascara? Alex leaned closer for a look at the shortie, as the shortie said, in a girly voice, "I'm Yugi."

"What are you looking for, dude, fleas?" the guy with the demented Mohawk asked.

"Nothing," Alex said innocently. "Who are you?"

"I'm Tristan."

"I'm hungry," Hector said.

"You're always hungry, Joey," Helen said.

"No, I'm just singing da parody of 'Lonely' by Akon. Haha, Akon sounds like acorn…well, here we go:

Hungry, I'm so hungry,

I have no hamburger to call me own." Joey paused. "What comes after dat? Oh well." He started again, even louder.

"Where are we?" Alex asked.

Location: Egyptian Desert.

Alex squinted. "Am I seeing things, or did I just see the words Location: Egyptian Desert appear?"

"You're seeing things," Tea said automatically. "Or maybe the author just made those words appear."

"Oh. That's okay, then."

"Of course it is," Tristan yelled over the sound of Joey singing off-tune. He wasn't singing the parody 'Hungry' anymore. Instead, it was 'I'm Henry the Eighth.' Everytime he got to the part where it goes 'Second verse same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse,' Joey's singing got a little bit louder and a little bit worse.

Location: MI6

"We've lost him," Mrs Jones said, staring at the screen of her Powerbook in shock. "He's gone right off the map."

"What? What happened to the tracer we stuck in his bloodstream?" Blunt asked.

"It's disappeared."

"What the fu-" Mrs Jones picked up her Powerbook, closed it, and smashed it over Blunt's head.

"Hey! Hey!" he protested. "It's not my fault. The stupid author's doing it."

Just then, the lock on the door to his office was blasted away from the door. There was the sound of a shotgun being reloaded. "Oops." Blunt gulped. "Um- sorry!" he yelled at the door.

"Good!" came the answer, and sounds of footsteps going away.

Blunt sighed. "Well, there you go."

"I'm going to get some more peppermints," Mrs Jones said. Blunt stared at her suspiciously.

"Don't you already have a packet in your pocket?"

"What?" Mrs Jones looked down at her jacket. "How the fu-"

Blunt grabbed the remains of her Powerbook and smashed them over her head. "Owee!" Mrs Jones yelled. "That hurt!"

"Not my fault!" Blunt pouted, his lower lips starting to tremble. "The mean author-" The door opened, and the muzzle of an AK-47 poked through. "I mean, the extremely wonderful-" the gun withdrew.

"The new author's dangerous. Do you think she was the one who organized for the old author to be kidnapped by an evil army of mushrooms with faces over the Internet, then was chopped into pieces, fed to piranhas, then the piranhas fed to a great white shark, then the great white shark chopped up and fed to fancy diners, then the fancy diners chopped up and fed to cannibals, who get chopped up and boiled in their own huge cauldron, then the Anthony Horowitz, piranha, shark, diner and cannibal soup fed to someone called Cameron Chan, who was dumped in a cauldron of boiling oil and boiling sheep dip, chopped up and fed to the boys of class 6L?"

"6L?" Blunt asked, looking confused.

"I'm just reading it off the file. Apparently, it's this class in Australia, in some teeny weeny town-"

"Normal-sized city!" the author yelled from outside the door. Mrs Jones gulped. "Called Hurstville," she finished. "I think we should check 6L out. Maybe they could be responsible for the deaths of Anthony Horowitz, some piranhas, a great white shark, some fancy diners, some cannibals, and a person called Cameron Chan?"

"Well, the great white shark fits in," Blunt said. "You can find them all around Australia."

"I'll check up Cameron Chan." Mrs Jones opened a file cabinet, and pulled out a file labelled 'TOP SECRET' and a laser scanned her eyeball and took a sample of fingernail and hair. Then, the drawer of the file cabinet shot back in, and a hidden drawer shot out. Mrs Jones picked up a Powerbook from it, and searched up 'Cameron Chan' using a secret search engine. "Yup, he's been reported missing…and apparently his little sister is in a madhouse because she's ranting about digital mushrooms with cute little anime faces coming out of the Internet and kidnapping her older brother…"

There was a burst of evil laughter from outside the office. Mrs Jones and Blunt stared at it, anime sweatdrops gathering at their heads. The author poked her head in. or I poked my head in. whatever. "No telling," I/she said, waving around the AK-47 and shotgun. There was also a sniper rifle and a series of other dangerous explosive weapons sitting outside in the corridor.

"Um…ok…"

"Thank you. Bye bye!" the door slammed closed and there was the sound of evil laughter again.

"I say we check out 6L," Mrs Jones said.

"No way," Blunt said.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes. Hey you! Author! Can I borrow one of the guns? I need to erm…do something with it…"

"Sure." The shotgun was squeezed in from under the door. Mrs Jones stared at it. "How the hell did you get a shotgun to get in from under the door? oh well."

She picked it up and aimed it at Blunt.

What will happen? Will Mrs Jones shoot poor Meester Blunt? What will happen to Alex and the Yu-Gi-Oh gang? Will the crazy author stop butting in and threatening people? Is she going to stop insulting herself because she is in fact not crazy but majorly eccentric? Find out in the next episode of Yu-Gi-Oh, or the next book of Alex Rider.

**Okay people. That was completely stupid, I know. But I hope you like it. In case you're wondering, I'm NOT a terrorist because of my knowledge of guns…it's because of…erm…I'M SMART! Starts doing victory dance Well, actually, I picked it up in therapy. No, seriously. Actually, REALLY seriously, I picked it up from the _Tomorrow _series by John Marsden. Anyway. **


	2. Blasted Brains and All

**Hi people. I made some mistakes in my last chapter. My finger went to the wrong spot and instead of 7L it was 6L. Make sure you review! **

**Nuha- Thank you for reviewing! Love the compliment! (Note to self: Do not send evil army of mushrooms to Nuha)**

**Fan of Fan Fic- I haven't thought about taking requests, but since you're such a cool writer…I'll stick Arty in with Kaiba and they could be evil work associates ATTEMPTING to rule the world. Thank j00!**

**Ethereal Light- Hiyoz! If you like, I could put our gang in it. I sent you an e-mail with an extract of my third book, _Worth Fighting For. _Please read and reply! And yeah, I could put Lard in a vat of boiling oil, then set fire to him…but that's too un-painful. So I'll think of something…**

Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh: Alex Rider gets transported to the world of Yu-Gi-Oh, and Mrs Jones is threatening Blunt with a shotgun she borrowed from the author.

Yu-Gi-Oh music plays, blah blah blah, it shows you Yami, Yugi, Yami with a tan and EARRINGS, (actually he looks kinda spiffy with a tan and earrings) Kaiba, Tea, Tristan, Joey, Dartz, whatever.

Location: MI6

"We are going to check 7L out," Mrs Jones said. "Agreed?"

"Agreed," Blunt agreed.

"Good, now can I have my gun back?" the author yelled through the hole where the lock originally was. "I need it to complete my collection."

"What kind of collection is it?" Blunt asked curiously.

"My collection of evil and very dangerous weapons! I've got a thousand of each, even if I only brought a teeny-weeny bit of my collection here…now gimme the shotgun or I'll activate the bomb I stuck in your office! It's plastic explosives, and I've got the detonator right here!"

"Um…okay…are you going to follow us to Australia?" Mrs Jones demanded.

"Duh!" came the reply, then "YAY!" (Mrs Jones had shoved the shotgun back under the door.)

"Well, you have to pay for your own aeroplane ticket!" Blunt yelled.

"NO I DON'T!" the author shouted through the hole in the door. "Because I can take you to Australia for free, and in less than ten seconds!"

"Prove it!" Blunt sneered.

"Wanna bet?" came the reply.

"I'll bet you one of those flashbang grenades!"

"Yawn. Got a thousand of 'em!"

Blunt stared at the hole. "So _that's _why most of our stock of flashbang grenades disappeared," he muttered. "A Sig 9mm pistol?"

"Nup."

"Mk 6 combat helmet?"

"Nope."

"A 9mm MP5."

"Ooh. I need just one more…okay!"

Two seconds, later, Blunt blinked. "What the meh?"

He and Mrs Jones were standing next to a large pile of artillery and a small girl of around thirteen was doing a victory dance, laughing evilly. "HAHA!" she laughed evilly. "I get my last 9mm MP5!"

"Oh, shi-" Blunt started to say, but Mrs Jones seized a gun (a Belgian-made FN semi-automatic pistol) and bashed it over his head.

"Ouch," Blunt said, and toppled over. Amazing. He was the head of MI6 and 'Ouch' was his last word. Oh, teh horror! (yes, it's TEH)

It was only then Mrs Jones realized she and Blunt were wearing T-shirts, sun block, and those hats with corks hanging off 'em (for the flies) and SHORTS. She had never worn shorts in her life. "ARGH!" Mrs Jones screamed, and started racing around.

The thing was, she was in the middle of a playground. People were staring at the big pile of artillery, and the eccentric girl who was dancing around the big pile of artillery and the grey man who looked dead and the woman who was racing around yelling "ARGH!" (The thing is, this is James Ruse Agricultural High School. I actually go to North Sydney Girls High, but I'm using James Ruse 'cos I'm sticking the guys in my old OC class in it. Just for fun. And James Ruse isn't in Hurstville…but I only stuck it here 'cos I live here.)

A teacher came along and stared at the girl doing the victory dance. (a.k.a the author. Or me.) "Where did you get all these weapons from?" she demanded.

The author stopped and glared at the teacher. "Okay. You have just disrupted my big victory dance. And that is a big no-no. For that, I will now kill you. Now…what weapon should I use…? I know! A commando knife! Huzzah!" (In case you're wondering, I'm not Christian. I just like the word huzzah.) (If you're wondering what I'm talking about, 'Huzzah' means 'Hallelujah.') The author snatched up one of her thousand commando knives, and stabbed the teacher seven times. Students started screaming, but then the author got annoyed and pulled out her own Powerbook and started typing. The students all fell down and started snoring. Which was just as well for the three boys (otherwise known as Botong, Bryan, and Sidney) who were attempting to steal samples of artillery for themselves. If they had taken some…let's just say that a large army of evil mushrooms would have come along…

Location: Egyptian Desert (yeah, I know, totally uncreative. So sue me. Because if you do…expect some mushrooms…)

"STOP SINGING!" Yami yelled at Joey.

Joey stopped singing. "Hey, Yug-"

"Shut up!" Yami snapped. "The name Yug is a no-no! You either address me as Pharaoh or Yami or Atem!"

"Atem?"

Tristan and Joey chorused at the same time, "HAHAHAHA!"

"Oh, shi-" Yami started to say, but Tea grabbed Joey and bashed Yami and Joey's heads together.

"OWEE!" they both yelled. "Tea, what's your problem?" (Or, in Joey's case it was "OWEE! Daya, whad's your problem?"

"Not my fault!" she pouted. "The meanie author made me do it because this story is supposed to be K+ rated, and if you swear it goes up to T."

The author appeared beside Tea and bashed the barrel of a shotgun over her head. "No calling me meanie!" Then she disappeared again.

Location: Australia

"Where did you go?" Blunt asked the author.

"Nowhere," she said automatically.

Location: Egyptian Desert

"I swear I just saw some little munchkin girl bash Daya over da head with da barrel of a shotgun," Joey said.

The 'little munchkin girl' appeared again and bashed Joey over the head with the same shotgun. Then she disappeared.

Tristan and Yami stared at each other. "Who the hell was that?" they asked at the same time.

"That was the author," Alex supplied oh-so-very-helpfully.

"Oh," Tristan and Yami said at the same time.

"She's mean," Yami said. "Sorry!" he yelled before the author could appear again.

"No she's not," Alex said oh-so-very-helpfully. "She's just got anger management problems. And there's also the fact that she's eccentric."

"Oh," Tristan and Yami said at the same time.

"But she made me reveal my true name!" Yami fumed dramatically. "I do not like the name Atem!"

Tristan started laughing again. Yami glared at him. "Yami was the name of my pet cat…"

Tristan fell to the ground, tears streaming down his face with mirth. He started to pound the sand with his fist, roaring with laughter.

"NOT FUNNY!" Yami yelled at Tristan.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" was the only reply he got.

"If you really want to know, Yami died, and then I got transported to YOUR pathetic world, and I didn't like the name Atem, and I liked the name Yami, so I called myself Yami!"

"Why the hell did you call yourself Yummy?" Alex asked.

Yami grabbed a handful of sand and threw it in his face. "So that's how Yami disappeared! You ate him!"

"Whadda?" Alex asked, wiping sand off his face.

Yami smacked his own forehead. Which was a bit difficult, since he had to pull out some girly clips and clip back those nasty blonde bangs. (Actually, I think they look kinda cute on him. ;) ) THEN he could smack his own forehead. Alex stared at him, then burst out laughing.

"What?" Yami asked defensively. "It's not my fault that I have to use these girly clips."

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Alex yelled, laughing his head off. (The only thing was, his head didn't fall off)

Just then, Joey sat up. "Hey Atem!"

"NO ATEM!" Yami roared at Joey. "AUTHOR! GIMME YOUR SHOTGUN!"

Location: Australia

"I hate it when she just disappears," Mrs Jones grumbled to the dead (but unconscious-looking) Blunt. She kicked Blunt. "Hey, wake up! Stop playing dead!"

Location: Egyptian Desert

"Here ya go." The author gave Yami her shotgun. "But if you use some bullets, you gotta pay me back!" (If the speaking is a bit weird, I'm writing it down as how I speak. If you live in the land of Oz (and no, not the land with a cowardly lion and a wizard and a dog called Toto) then you'll know what I'm ranting about)

Yami grinned. "But how do you take out the bullets?" Via (finally I get to use me name) (Actually, it's not my real name but what the heck) showed him, and Yami turned to Joey while the author disappeared again with a crack like Dobby the house-elf disapparating, because she had gotten bored of just disappearing. (If you live on planet Earth then you'll know which Dobby I'm talkin' about.)

"Okay," Yami said to Joey. "Let's play a game!"

"YAY!" Joey said. "I like games. He hopped up. "What are we playing?"

"Follow-the-leader," Yami said.

"Follow-the-leader," Joey said.

"I'm gonna be the leader," Yami said.

"I'm gonna be the leader," Joey said.

Yami had left the bullets out of the shotgun. He aimed the muzzle at his right ear, and pulled the trigger. Joey copied him, only with an imaginary shotgun.

Yami stuck the shotgun behind his back and started putting the bullets back in. Joey SHOULD have been confused, but he was so dumb he just went along with it, putting his back to Yami. Yami handed Joey the shotgun. Joey handed Yami his imaginary shotgun. Yami pretended to shoot himself again, and Joey copied him.

He blasted out his brains…but Joey's left handed, so he blasted out his brains onto Yami. "YUCKY!" Yami yelled, jumping up and down. "Oh well…I'll just change clothes with Tea!"

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" Tristan shouted, glaring at Yami. "YOU JUST KILLED ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS!"

"I DO NOT HAVE BEST FRIENDS!" Yami yelled back. "I AM THE PHARAOH!" He struck a pose. He said in an undertone, "Ooh, I'd always wanted to do that one…"

"Lame-o," Alex said. "That's James Bond. Arnold Schwarzenegger's pose is cooler!" He struck the Arnold Schwarzenegger pose. "SEE?" he declared.

"Poor Joey!" Tristan yelled.

"He was stupid," Yami said. "He called me Atem!"

"SO?" Tristan argued.

"NO ONE CALLS ME ATEM!"

"I will. At-" Yami hit Tristan over the head with the shotgun. Unfortunately, the safety catch was off…and Tristan's brains blasted out all over Alex. Alex started to cry. "You're a meanie! You ruined my best clothes!"

Yami raised an eyebrow. Alex was wearing a black and brown T-shirt with the tiniest of all patches of white in it, and jeans that were practically shorts. Both items of clothing smelled like a gorilla's armpit. A very, very stinky gorilla's armpit. His feet were clad in shoes worn by the Dung Brigade in Quentaris…Now where did that come from? Yami wondered.

Yami yelled to seemingly no one in particular: "I WANT SOME DRESSING ROOMS!"

The author had tired of disappearing and appearing, it seemed, because some dressing rooms just appeared, instead of the author. So, either the author had somehow changed into dressing rooms, or she had made these dressing rooms appear. Yami voted for the latter. He picked up Tea, and dragged her into the dressing rooms. He stole her little skirty (don't worry, she was wearing shorts underneath) and T-shirt (don't worry, she had a tube top underneath) bangles, pink socks with cute little fuzzy ducklings on them, earrings (yes, Yami had his ears pierced. He just wasn't wearing any earrings at this time) and shoes. Then he dressed up Tea in his mucky red clothing, and dragged her back out of the dressing rooms. He left the shotgun back inside the dressing rooms.

"Okay, I'm finished! And I've given back your shotgun! And I owe you one shotgun bullet!"

"What the meh?" a very familiar feminine voice said.

Yami looked up and gaped at the person.

Okay. You're wondering who da feminine voice person is…just read the next chapter.


	3. Of Hot Pink and Polka Dots

**Hello people! Dartz is coming up in this chapter! **

"_PEGASUS?_" Of course. Duh. What other guy had a girly voice? Well…there's Yugi…and Mokuba…and Dartz…THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

"Hello, Yugi-boy. Could you explain to me why you were yelling about shotguns…and why the dressing rooms suddenly disappeared…and why you're wearing girl clothes."

"HEY!" Yami yelled, turning into a little imp. An angry imp. "I'm only wearing this because I don't want to be accused of killing Joey! So I gave Tea my clothes!"

Pegasus raised an eyebrow. It was twitching. "You just killed Joey-boy?"

"YES I DID!" Yami yelled, getting mad.

"I think you might like to go over to my summer house…"

"What?" Yami asked excitedly. Then he said, "Wait a minute. You aren't this nice."

"Damn," Pegasus muttered to himself. "I'm always this nice, Yugi-boy!" he said in a louder voice.

"Don't call me Yugi-boy," Yami grumbled. "Or I'll ask the author to borrow her shotgun again."

"Oh." All Yu-Gi-Oh characters all enjoy saying 'Oh' because the author enjoys making them say 'Oh' because saying 'Oh' is very in and quite spiffy. Her little brother thinks that she is crazy, which is an insult, unlike eccentric, which is not an insult. What he doesn't know is that evil mushrooms are going to invade the bedroom while he's sleeping…

"Why don't we go to my summer house!" Pegasus suggested. "The only thing is that there aren't any windows, except for the windows on the doors. They're made of reinforced glass, because of the spazzos- I mean, my guests sometimes get drunk, and they go crashing around into the padded walls."

"Cool!" Yami heard Alex say from behind him. "Let's go right now! It sounds just spiffy!"

"Can we get pizza?" Tea asked, waking up from her unconsciousness. Yami went red. "What's up with the colour discolouration?" she asked Yami.

"Um…I…um…drank too much raspberry Kool-Aid," Yami mumbled. "I…got a headache."

"Oh. Can I have some Kool-Aid? I think getting colour discolouration in the face seems quite spiffy."

"I drank all of it!" Yami said.

"Where's the bottle? I'm going to check up the address for the manufacturers. Maybe I can get the author to take me there."

"If she doesn't blow your head off," the dead Joey muttered. Yami stared at him. "Is it just me or did that dead person just mutter something?"

"It's just you," Tea said cheerfully. "Say, how did you get yourself thinking that a dead Joey muttered something? Hey! Joey's dead? Oh no! Teh horrorness!"

"Horrorness isn't a word," Alex said oh-so-very-helpfully. "But I think going to Pegasus' summer house seems just spiffy, so why don't we go?

"Follow the leader!" He turned to Pegasus. "Say, how do we get to your summer house?"

"We…um…follow the yellow brick road, yeah that's it…um…boy…"

"The name's Rider. Alex Rider, Double-0-7." He struck another Arnold pose.

Pegasus stared. "Oh. Pleased to meet you too. I think maybe we should go to my real home…not my summer house…"

"Oh goody!" Alex exclaimed. "Where is it?"

"Well, it could be right here if the author would help…" Pegasus looked around hopefully, then his shoulders sank. "Nope."

"Walk!" the author's voice yelled. "It'll do you some good! You'll find your house in an hour or two. Have fun!"

Location: Australia

"This is 7L?" Mrs Jones voice was sceptical. "And Alan, wake up!" she prodded Blunt with the toe of her sandals.

Via bent down and checked his pulse. "There's no pulse," she reported.

"Alan's very good at play-acting," Mrs Jones replied. "When he plays dead, he can stop his heartbeat."

o.O "Major sweatdrop," the author muttered. "Well, have a closer look around, if you like."

Location: Egyptian Desert (after two hours of walking)

"Here we are!" Pegasus announced happily. He took out a stupid looking hot pink key with green sparkles on it, and inserted it into a stupid looking hot pink lock with green sparkles on it. The stupid looking hot pink door with green sparkles on it swung open to reveal the interior of the house. And no, before you could ask, it was not stupid looking and hot pink with green sparkles on it.

Instead it was stupid looking with hot pink with purple polka dots. "Make yourselves at home," Pegasus said grandly.

"MY home," another feminine-like voice said. Tea didn't hear. She had spent the last two hours asking everyone why she was wearing red clothing, and why it was wet and covered with pink spaghetti. And everyone bought Yami's extremely lame story about 'Having to do a dare which is play 'Dress Ups''

Anyway. Pegasus looked up, and stared. It was Dartz, and he was wearing, lo and behold, a stupid looking hot pink bathrobe with purple polka dots. He was holding a glass, which was either stupid looking with hot pink with purple polka dots, or the liquid inside was stupid looking with hot pink with purple polka dots, or the glass had purple polka dots and the liquid inside was hot pink, or the glass was hot pink, and the liquid inside was just purple polka dots. Now, that doesn't make sense does it? (Actually, it does)

To hide his mismatched eyes, Dartz was wearing, lo and behold, sunglasses. Of course, they were stupid looking with hot pink with purple polka dots. Alex couldn't figure out how he could see through it. "How can you see through that?" he asked innocently, just the picture of innocence with his big grin (which was filled with dirty teeth) and dirty clothing. Now, isn't that sweet.

"I can see through the sunglasses because I have super-vision," Dartz boasted.

"Oh." Clearly, Alex is now counted as one of the Yu-Gi-Oh gang. The only difference is, he still looks like he's from real life. The others are still anime. (After all, how can someone make themselves get Yami hair? Or Tristan hair? Or Joey's hair? Oh wait…he's dead…and so is Tristan…)

"Well, this is my house now, so piss off." Dartz seemed kinda grumpy.

"Hello? This is MY house," Pegasus said. "And how the hell did you get in?"

"Opening the door was now big feat for my great Leviathan."

"Oh. Where is this great Leviathan?"

"My great Leviathan is soaking up rays in your largest pool."

"What!" Pegasus screamed, grabbing Dartz by the shoulders and shaking him like how a spazzo grabs a doll and shakes the poor dolly around. "MY POOL!"

"_My _pool," Dartz corrected. "And I think that my Leviathan's developing a tan."

"Being in the sun too much can cause cancer," Alex chipped in.

"Disagreeing with me can cause cancer," Dartz snapped.

"Are you smart?" Alex asked.

"Of course I am! What do you think I am, an idiot?" o.O

"Yeah."

"Why you little-" he started to strangle Alex, just like Homer Simpson.

"Ach-" Alex gargled. "Sowee!"

"Good."

"Are you evil?"

"Of course not! I'm a goodie! I'm the one in the white hat, and you're evil and you're supposed to be in a wheelchair with a bald head and a scar and stroking a cat!"

"Not all bad guys are like that," Alex pouted. "Meano."

Just then, six feminine voices asked, "Are we in the right place?"

Alex stared. Dartz, clad in his stupid looking pink with purple polka dotted bathrobe and sunglasses, stared. Pegasus stared. Yami stared. The dead Joey stared blankly. Tea stared. "Oh," they all said.

**Haha. Yeah, I know, stupid ending. But I dun care, I'm just writing this because I'm depressed, cos my household isn't very happy at the moment. Me'n me little bro hate our grandmother, who's completely barmy, dad'n mum are always arguing, and I've become a computer freak. Just like my friend Sally, only she's a TV freak. Well, I'm updating really soon, so hurry up and review people! I'm only updating when I get one extra review! Just press the spiffy little button down there! **

**Buh-bye!**


	4. The Leviathan

Hiya! I'm back! With another bloody mental story… 

**There was a mistake in the last chapter. There are actually FIVE feminine voices, not SIX.**

Previously on Yu-gi-oh: Five mysterious girls appear Yugioh theme song, Dun dun dun…

There were four unknown Asian girls and one…half Asian one. (She's half Japanese and half Macedonian)

"Who the hell are you?" Alex asked.

"You're Alex Rider!" One screamed, and ran up to him. She started jumping around and waving her arms. The author got bored of having her friends in her story for five seconds, so she deleted them. The five girls went kapoot, yeah, just like that, kapoot, and disappeared.

Alex Rider stared at the spot where the girl jumping around him had been. "I'm sad," he said in a baby voice.

"Why?" Dartz wanted to know.

"I didn't get to show that girl my Arnold pose."

Dartz stared. Or rather, stared through his stupid-looking hot pink with purple polka dotted sunglasses. "Wanna see my great Leviathan?" he asked Alex. "Yeah, you know you wanna, come on, you know you wanna."

"Yeah, I wanna!" Alex said, cheering up.

Dartz patted him on his head and said, "Okay, let's go!"

"I'm going too!" Pegasus said. "I want to see if the Leviathan broke my pool."

"I'm going to ensure that the world is not destroyed by the great evil," Yami said dramatically.

"I'm going to see if the Leviathan knows what this spaghetti stuff is," Tea said.

So they all decided that visiting the Leviathan was just spiffy so they skipped off to the largest pool in the house.

Location: Largest pool in the house

(A/N the Leviathan, in my story, can talk. Just to make it funnier.)

"Ah," the Leviathan said, closing its eyes. "This is the life." It suddenly opened its eyes and looked down at itself. "Ooh, look I've got a good tan."

It used its tail to pick up a mirror with roses twirling around it (it was Dartz's) and admired its own reflection. "Ooh, who's the good looking dragon?" the Leviathan asked its reflection. "You are the good looking dragon," the mirror replied. It was actually a cousin of the 'mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all' mirror.

"Oh goodie," the Leviathan said, and put the mirror down. It reached (with its tail) towards a set of drawers at the side of the pool. It belonged to Pegasus. The Leviathan opened a drawer and took out a tube of mascara and began applying mascara to its eyes.

Location: Somewhere in Pegasus' house.

"We are doomed," Yami said dramatically.

"We are doomed," Alex echoed.

"Hey Dartz," Tea said in her must-be-on-the-good-side-with-Yugi-and-be-negative-towards-biker dudes-and-Dartz voice. "Where are the biker dudes?"

"Well," Dartz said importantly. "They're somewhere in this house."

"Tells us a lot," Tea said cheerfully.

"Onwards towards the pool!" Pegasus said.

"We can't," Yami snapped dramatically. "We're lost."

"We are not lost," Pegasus said. "Since I am Maximillian Pegasus, I have an innate sense of direction…"

Everyone falls over, anime-style.

"G'day!" Valen said, popping out of a side door. "Hi, mates!"

Tea screamed and hid behind Alex, who quickly struck an Arnold pose in case this boy disappeared like the girl before. Valen stared at him. "Who the f are you?" he asked.

There was a high-pitched girly scream from one of the other side-doors. "Oh no!" Yami said dramatically. "Someone is in danger!" He opened the side door. Artemis Fowl tumbled out, followed by Seto Kaiba. "AIYEE!" Artemis yelled. "Someone said a bad word!"

Valen swore a few times more in quick succession. Those words cannot be repeated since then this story would be upgraded to Teenage Fiction.

"You snake!" Kaiba yelled at Artemis. He never called anyone something worse than snake. "You gave away our hiding spot!"

"Well, it was too small anyway," Artemis sulked. "Butler couldn't fit."

"Yeah, and he smashed up the last wardrobe we tried to hide in," Kaiba snapped. "Where is he, by the way?"

Right then, there was a loud, high-pitched scream from far, far away.

"Oh no!" Yami said dramatically. "Someone is in danger!"

He ran towards the sound, and half an hour later found Butler being waved around by the Leviathan's tail. The Leviathan was crying its yellow eyes out. "This meano man said I was ugly!" it explained to Dartz, who was handing out tissues to it. Giant tissues with big love hearts on them. "I'm sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Butler yelled as he swished through the air. "You ish preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Not enough!" the Leviathan yelled at it.

"AHA!" Alex Rider yelled. "A monster to fight!" He jumped into the pool, grabbed the rose mirror and started climbing up the Leviathan's neck. It was so occupied with bashing Butler into the wall and making Butler scream the high-pitched scream that Yami heard before it didn't notice. Yami was currently lecturing Dartz on how this was an evil thing to do. Artemis was crying for his bodyguard, while Kaiba tried to look like he wasn't with this sissy. (Actually, I think Artemis Fowl is super-cool, but this IS a parody…) Tea was putting on lipstick, since it matched the 'spaghetti' on her clothing.

Alex reached the Leviathan's head and bashed it on the head. The Leviathan started crying more tears and dropped Butler on top of Artemis. "MEANO!" It yelled, thrashing around. Alex Rider, being the perfect person he really is, (NOT!) held on wildly and reached for some gadgets that Smithers had given him. There was perfume that made the air smelt nice, (but it also knocked out anything that smelt it) there was a watch that worked like a normal watch (but it also had garrot wire in it) and there was a Gameboy which had the game Maple Story Reloaded on it, (but it could also be transformed into a gun which fired infinite bullets) (N/A Alan Blunt had given in on letting Alex have weapons)

Alex got the perfume first and tried to push the little button that activates the nozzle on the top. Being a rough little boy, he actually broke the bottle on top of the Leviathan's head, and it fell into its mouth, and it ate the perfume, thus being the only thing that smelt the perfume.

The Leviathan crashed downwards, squashing Alex under its great bulk. Just then, a fat (and I mean REALLY fat) boy appeared, and said, "That's my job," indignantly to the unconscious Leviathan.

The boy's name was Bryan, and was really fat. He wore nerdy rectangular glasses. (I wear glasses, but heck, unlike Bryan, I'm not a nerd. I actually surprise people by ranting about guns and stuff, which is really odd to them because I'm a really bitty little girl and I wear glasses, which makes people think that I'm a complete bimbo) Bryan was pouting and glaring at the Leviathan. "I'M SUPPOSED TO SQUASH PEOPLE WITH MY GREAT BULK!" Bryan yelled.

"You really admit that?" Tea asked, who was anorexic and hated fat people. "You admit you're fat?"

"Um…NO!" Bryan shouted at her.

"Um…if you say so."

"Haha, you're fat," Alex said weakly.

Bryan started crying. "You're really mean!"

"Not my fault you're fat," Alex said. "You should die. AUTHOR!" He yelled suddenly. "Do something about this fat guy! The only fat one in the whole series of my biography is Smithers!"

The author appeared, frowning at Bryan. "Okay, I don't like you, you hobo, so I'll do something evil…" She disappeared again.

Alex started crying too. "That meano author did nothing at all," he moaned.

Just then, these little bitty mushrooms with cute little anime faces (just like from Maple Story Reloaded, Alex thought) appeared. They went and chopped off Bryan's toes and fingers, then lopped off his ears and nose, and crushed his glasses, and produced a vat of boiling oil and sheep dip, and dumped him in, and then took him out and stuck him inside a giant microwave.

BACK TO THE REAL STORY!

Alex was watching, enthralled. "Ooh," he oohed. "That's a good movie." The author appeared and hit him over the head. "You baka neko!" She yelled at him. "It's not a movie! BRYAN IS DYING! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Wait a minute!" Alex shouted. "You killed him! You are evil! I must save the world from demise!"

Yami joined in. "How could you!" he cried dramatically. "You're in the same league as Dartz!" The Dartz in question was in fact cooing over the unconscious Leviathan, and giving it CPR. Or at least, trying to. Kaiba was looking around at anything that didn't look stupid, since he didn't want to look at the dumb stuff, such as some guy with sunglasses and a bathrobe and LOOOONG hair kissing a big dragon in the mouth, and a make-up coated Tea, and the Artemis moaning about how his Armani suit was being squashed by Butler, who was unconscious, and Yami and Alex trying to persuade the evil author to go onto the good side, and the dead bodies of Joey and Tristan which had been dragged along. Valen was just about the only sane person around…or was he?

He was sitting against the wall, having a ciggie. "Hey Kaiba," he said. "Alistair is looking for you."

"Really?" Kaiba asked, interested. "Cool! Where is he?"

Valen shrugged. "I dunno, I think he wanted a toilet break before…"

"AHA!" Kaiba yelled. "SHOW ME TO THE TOILETS!" So Valen and Kaiba left on an aspiring quest to look for the toilets.

The author got frustrated with Alex and Yami, so she threatened to throw a flashbang grenade at them. Yami, however, stood his ground and played Tomias. Alex was attempting to strike an Arnold pose while still being squashed by the Leviathan's great bulk and Dartz, who was still giving it CPR. The mushrooms were dancing around the microwave (which was in fact floating over the pool itself) and chanting words in Maple Story Reloaded language.

"Wow, Tomias, your eye looks bad," the author said, looking concerned. "That can be fixed!" she took out a mobile phone and started dialling. "Hello? Doctor?"

"Yes?" a deep voice asked. "Who is it?"

"This is the author, and because I'm the author, I'm getting you to come here to fix up a dragon's eye. It looks like it's gonna BURST."

"Oh dear," the deep voice said. "I'm coming over right away. TAXI!"

The author hung up, waved happily and disappeared.

Tomias looked around, confused. "Growl?" he growled.

"Don't worry," Yami assured him dramatically. "The doctor is coming." (A/N I'm putting this here because most of you won't read my bio. I've got a new e-mail account, E-mail me there.)

**Will Yami realize that the doctor is not who he really seems to be? Will Tomias realize that Yami is a stupid owner? Will Tea realize that she's got brains on her, not spaghetti? Will Artemis realize that being squashed by Butler is not as bad as being squashed by the Leviathan? Will Alex (our hero) realize that being squashed by the Leviathan is not as bad as being squashed by the Leviathan? Will Valen and Kaiba realize that searching for Alistair has a good point to it?**

**Will the mushrooms realize that chanting will not make Bryan die faster? (you see, he has so much lard that he needs to burn it off) And finally, will the author realize that this story is totally crazily stupid? And finally, finally, will the readers of this story realize that it is wise to read and review, because then if they don't, there is a risk of being invaded by mushrooms?**

**Find out in the next episode of Yu-gi-oh! Or the next book (chapter?) of Alex Rider! Or the next book (chapter?) of Artemis Fowl! **


	5. Why Won't You Love Me?

Hiya! I'm back, with more laughs… 

**A few minutes after the call, a big blonde came in. He was commonly known as the big blonde hobo, but otherwise known by his dull and boring name- Raphael. **

**Raphael looked around for the sign of a distressed dragon with an eye that looked like it was going to BURST. He saw Tomias, and came over to the distressed dragon with an eye that looked like it was going to BURST.**

"**Hmm…" Raphael hmmed. "I need a big sharp sword."**

"**Why?" Yami wanted to know. **

"**I have to amputate this dragon's distressed eye."**

"**Oh no!" Yami said dramatically. "I cannot allow you to do that. Especially without anaesthetics." After he said that all in his usual dramatic way, he put the Tomias card back in his deck so the big Tomias disappeared. **

**Raphael shrugged. "If you say so. But that eye is going to BURST."**

"**Who cares?" Dartz yelled, still desperately trying to give the Leviathan CPR. It still hadn't woken up. Alex was feebly making rude jokes. "Haha," he would say, "That big pigf dragon is such a pigf. Just like Mrs Jones. Haha, her first name is Tulip…like the flower. Ooh, tulips are ugly. So's Mrs Jones. Hahaha." **

**Just then the Leviathan woke up. "Growl?" it growled. "I LIVE!" It stood up, stepping on Alex's little finger. "OWEE!" Alex yelled, jumping up. He pointed his Gameboy at the Leviathan. "YOU SHALL PAY!" **

**The Leviathan growled again and blasted him with a big sonic kinda blast that the author doesn't have a name for. Alex disappeared, only to reappear at Seto Kaiba's side. "Whoa," Alex said. "That was fun. Teleporting is cool."**

**Kaiba kicked him in the shins. "Great. Another one of the dork gang."**

**Alex struck another pose. "I am not a dork! I am Rider! Alex Rider! Fear me or die!"**

**Valen stared at him. o.0 **

**Alex ignored the stare. "Say, do you know how to make a bunny rabbit on the computer?" **

**Kaiba kicked him again. "No, and I don't want to know."**

"**Okay!" Alex proceeded to demonstrate how to make a bunny rabbit. He went over to one dusty wall and started drawing in the dust. Valen peered at the bunny rabbit picture. This is what it looked like: **

**(o.0)**

**( )o**

**Valen said, "Cool!" **

**Kaiba said, "Get lost, you freak," while opening the nearest door. Alex was about to say that he was not a freak when he saw the girl inside the room beyond the door. **

**She was blonde, and brushing her teeth…and dressed in a hot pink with purple polka-dotted bathrobe. She screamed when they opened the door. **

**Valen gaped. "Mai!" **

**Mai yelled, "Get out!"**

**Valen began to speak. "You have enslaved my soul. I would do anything to make you happy. You are the sun in my heaven, the moon that shines in my heart, the stars that whisper to me in the night. If you asked me to, I would rip out my own liver and give it to you in a golden box."**

"**As if I'd have a use for it."**

"**Mai, why will you not love me?" Valen cried. "My life is not worth living if you continue travelling down this path. You must choose- renounce all others, or watch me die for love. Mai, my angel, I'd do anything for you! I'm the slave of my passion! Your slave!"**

**Mai threw the nearest thing at him- her toothbrush. It hit Valen on the head. He didn't notice. Kaiba grabbed Valen and slung him over his shoulder and took him out into the hallway. Alex was too busy staring at Mai. _Wow, _he thought to himself. _That is one pretty lady. _He decided to impress her with his muscles. He started flexing his biceps, and striking poses. Mai stared at him for a moment, and then threw her toothpaste at him. Kaiba grabbed Alex too, and slung him over his other shoulder and took him and Valen out into the corridor and dumped them on the floor and then closed the door to the girls' bathroom. **

"**Mai!" Valen cried, and lunged for the door. A harpy appeared in front of it and grabbed him and threw him out of the nearest window. **

"**I LOVE YOOOOOOOOUUU!" Valen yelled as he went sailing through the air. Unfortunately, they were on the third level of the house. "OWEE!" came his voice from downstairs. A few seconds later, he had climbed back through the window. Kaiba grabbed him before he could try to open the door again since the harpy would be still guarding it and would throw him back out the window again. **

**Alex opened the door. The harpy completely ignored him since he was not in anime. Valen darted back through the door, and started proposing to Mai. He dropped onto one knee (because the other knee was in the air since Kaiba had grabbed hold of his foot) and started looking in his pockets for what should be an engagement ring. He couldn't find the ring so he just started serenading her. Putting on a minstrel voice, he sang, "Mai, Mai, glorious Mai…" at this point he should have showed her the ring, only he couldn't find it so he went and found a nose booger. Mai shrieked and fell backwards, landing with her butt stuck in the toilet bowl. Alex thought this was funny as Valen dragged Kaiba further into the bathroom as he crawled one-legged towards Mai sitting on the toilet. Alex started singing. "My toilet looks like a DOUGHnut, a DOUGHnut, a DOUGHnut, and I mistook it for a DOUGHnut, and I ate the DOUGHnut. Then I though it tasted FUNny, so I put some chocolate sprinkles ON it, then I realized it was my TOIlet, so I spat it out and put it back together. Then I put some more sprinkles ON it, and then I mistook it for a DOUGHnut AGain. And so I sing this song!" **

**Mai slapped him as Kaiba slung Valen back over his shoulder. "Come on, dork," he said to Alex. Alex started crying. "I no wanna go! I wanna stay with Miss Pretty Lady!"**

**Mai kicked him. "I am not Miss Pretty Lady!" The author thought that this was tremendously funny so the bathrobe disappeared, giving way to a pretty, sparkly pink dress with lotsa pearls. There was a sash that said 'Miss Pretty Lady' that went from one shoulder to her waist, and there was a sparkling pretty tiara atop Mai's blonde hair. It was in a hairnet. Her fingernails were painted hot pink with purple polka dots. So were her toenails. "ARGH!" Mai screamed. "Girl clothes!" she jumped up and started running around in circles. **

"**Come back, Miss Pretty Lady!" Alex called, running after her. "I love you!"**

"**STAY AWAY FROM ME!" she screeched. **

"**MISS PRETTY LADY!" Alex started crying again. "Why will you not love me, Miss Pretty Lady? Why won't you let me embrace you with my strong manly arms? Do not take the wrong road or j00 shall be…erm…taking the wrong road, yeah, that's right!" Alex grinned lopsidedly. **

**As you can guess, it's a kinda ship now…not really, cuz Alex never gets together with Mai. I know it's short, but I'm running out of ideas, and I like playing Gaia, and I need to type heaps in my story…so yeah. Until the next pink pumpkin flies past my window…-:peers out of window:- Oh yeah, the -: thing is replacing the asterisks since they never show up. **


End file.
